He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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