my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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