Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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