I didn't shave. On purpose
vagina is talking i cant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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