So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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