I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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