apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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