Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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