I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
