During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize