my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
