my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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