i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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