I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
