I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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