Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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