why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
