It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize