We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
