I'm so fucking centered right now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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