i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
