they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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