If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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