I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
