The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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