I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
