I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
