Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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