Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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