The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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