I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
