I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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