Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
