Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
