i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
