she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize