Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
