Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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