Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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