U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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