i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
