Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
