WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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