She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
