addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
