Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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