dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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