I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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