He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize