Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
