I looked at my own cervix.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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