sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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