i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
