yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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