I cannot find my penis.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
