i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
