Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
