do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
