There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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