I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
