I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
