Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
BRING THE BAGELS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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