I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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