Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
