Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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