Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
