U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
