Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
