ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We have started to decorate penises.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
