Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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