Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
