If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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